November 10th

The worst part of it all
is I cannot even trust my own perspective anymore,
I never know if my eyes
are my eyes or if they are the monster’s
trying to get me to see something detrimental.

I confided in someone yesterday
that I always felt alone
which was a conflict in and of itself
because you want the loneliness to stop
but you don’t want to illicit straight pity.
And she told me that she never sees me
without people, without smiles.

but I am always a watcher,
always quiet at the end of the table
or in the corner of the couch
and did she mean my smile
or theirs?

So, is my perspective skewed 

or am I, maybe just this once,
truly alone in a room full of people.

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