I have spent so much of my life trying to make others whole at the expense of my own well being. It never resulted in anything more than their fulfillment and my emptiness. I gave their egos a staircase on which the people I loved only grew more selfish with time. I have constantly failed to care for myself and sacrificed my happiness for that of others. I have poured all my love into people who could never be deserving of it. I willingly gave up the whole essence of who I am in exchange for the sanity of others. I made myself smaller to make enough room for those that I loved. I let go of my selfishness and have spent a lot of time on my knees praying to a god I’m not sure I whole heartedly believe in anymore. In my silent prayers I keep asking for forgiveness even when it feels that this is the sole reason for why I continuously feel caught in a never ending cycle where being good at heart never wins me anything out on the battlefield. The biggest thing I mourn over is how much of myself I have lost along the years for the sake of people who would have never done the same for me.